2020 Week 07

Packers 35 Taxens 20

Dr Jane Goodall was crouched in the bushes next to me as we peered at the scene before us. Goodall, the famous primatologist and trailblazer known for living amongst monkeys for extended periods to better understand their day-to-day lives and sociology, was the original “Jane of the Apes.” Since my discovery of a previously unknown tribe of “extinct” Neanderthals when my personal hovercraft inexplicably lost power and I was forced to crash land in parts unknown, I have brought in some of the world’s best and brightest minds, living or dead, to seize upon the scientific value of this astonishing sphere of living (pre)history… Jane and I were conducting a simple experiment via nonintervention observation, aka “sneaking and peeking” in the jargon. A group of nine Neanderthal subjects (the ninth hastily confirmed and added after the sudden death of her predecessor), male and female, were placed around a small campfire. Two televisions were placed before them, one showing nonstop Presidential election coverage, the other turned off. Initially, the subjects were engrossed in the election coverage, making gestures, mocking the images, and finding a sort of comic humor in what they saw. These primitives were evidently more savvy and intuitive than expected. Eventually, they began to take sides, then argued, then screamed at each other until their primal grunts became indistinguishable from one another. Battle lines were being drawn, chests were literally being beaten, and other primates began to gather around the area, eyeing each other suspiciously. Jane said “It’s time.” I nodded, pointed the remote at the second TV, and turned on the Packers game… The subjects unanimously and immediately pacified and turned their collective gaze to these new and exciting images. One of the subjects tore the first TV off its base, slamming it to the ground as three others started jumping up and down on it until it popped and fizzled, all hands on deck cheering and “OOH-OOH”ing with glee. It was what happened next that was truly remarkable. Inspiring. Somehow, the Neanderthals had made a number of logical connections and applied them in a spontaneously innovative fashion. A single file line came from the direction of our camp and into the fire area in front of the Packers game. Each subject carried what they had somehow and correctly deduced was critical to the cause: Bratwursts. Buns. Beer. Brandy. Fireball. Chips. Pretzels. S’mores ingredients. A 36-oz funnel with a tube attached. A football(?) As if part of some well-trained military unit, they broke up into small groups, each doing their part to create the environment. Jane and I smiled at each other. A tear trickled down her cheek. She could barely get out the words: “They’ve come together, despite the constant bombardment of negativity, fear, disruptions and distractions. They are a community. They’re tailgating…” 

An inspiring parody in today’s climate. Election season. The campaigns keep getting longer. This one started the day of Inauguration 2016 and is now four years long. Unfortunately, it looks like the election itself will keep on getting longer, with some places planning on counting ballots until, like, December. Red vs Blue. Freshwater counties vs Saltwater counties. Bringing us all together. Makes us want to reach across the aisle. And not just to strangle each other… Speaking of coming together. I’m all about “inclusivity,” but there are limits. I harken back to High School. That great crucible and microcosm of society. We may all have been on the Blue Blazer (Elkhart,INDIANA) football team, but defensive guys sat with the Defense, offensive guys sat with the Offense. Freshmen obviously need not apply and of course did not sit with the Seniors, etc. You could end up “Swirleed,” stuffed in a locker, or duct-taped to the goalpost. Or worse. The hierarchy was similar in the cafeteria, the common area, and the grandstands. You had to earn your spot in the pecking order, the “cool people table,” which obviously carries on throughout our culture and society… It is no different with this club, which is permeated with those of us who believe in custom, tradition, Judeo-Christian norms, Western Civilization, and America. Which is why I was surprised to see approximately half of our “cool-people table,” The Pioneer Table, albeit dressed appropriately, were total strangers! Where were all the warmly familiar fellow clan who’ve been through all the shit together? “What the HELL is goin’ on out here?!?” Who are these people? Wow. Big Balls. They obviously did not have the juice to sit at this table. Not now. Maybe someday. There is no way they could know that The Pioneer Table is so named not only for the obvious celebrity explorers who frequent it, but also to reflect the long-time membership, service, and contributions to the ‘Backers of the essential occupants whose lineup, like the Stones, has remained largely unchanged since before most of these “400s” and “500s” were popping zits on Prom Night. They could not possibly know that like Muslims turning their prayer rugs toward Mecca, The Pioneer Table is always carefully positioned to simultaneously represent the exact latitude and longitude juxtaposition of the historic Northwest Passage and Green Bay, Wisconsin! Why couldn’t they possibly know? Because they are Rookies. Nubies. Plebes. Freshmen. We are all-inclusive, but you simply have to earn it. So live and learn, because next time we may bounce you like when another historic entity like The Citadel did to doughgirl Shannon Faulkner, who bitched and whined the whole time she couldn’t do five pushups… Texans review: The Packers dominated. All was right in the world again in this week-to-week trip to Planet Kneejerk Reaction. We used schemes and matchups, including more motion, to find the weaknesses of the defense and pounded those weaknesses repeatedly. JJ Watt had a classic press conference where he was obviously so despondent and pissed off that I can’t imagine him being there much longer. He and teammate WR Will Fuller are both part of trade rumors with the Packers. Antonio Brown going to Tampa, an obviously emerging rival, seemed to ratchet up the pressure to improve the team. If the price is right, both guys would be dream fits for us… 

OVERTIME: It’s been as much fun as ever at Spare Time. Winning helps. We are still playing football (knock on wood), eating, drinking, and being merry with our friends. One thing I’ve learned: Don’t take it for granted. We’re always just one Chinese laboratory or Russian hack from losing it all. As such, soak it up! And let’s put out an APB or maybe a Proof of Life for all our missing members, including those who’ve created unholy and unearned opportunities for rookies to creep onto The Pioneer Table. The ‘Backers have called, and they want their members back… 

LOCKER ROOM: “The Hand of God” was Diego Maradona’s improbable phantom goal to win the 1986 World Cup for Argentina. Now, “The Hand of Jesus” was the gamewinning stretch to the pylon by Indiana QB Michael Penix for the go-ahead two-point conversion to beat Penn State in 2020… 

FRONT OFFICE: The Prizegate saga has taken even more surreal turns. First, I was accused of using my column to incite violence on the Powers That Be. There was reportedly even an ill-advised plot to kidnap Marge and put her on trial for Treason. Chants of “Lock them up” came from the people, who have definitively spoken. I’ve been asked to condemn the Packer Boys. Packer Boys: Stand Back, and Stand Down! Documents implicating the powers that be in a conspiracy involving “The Big Guy’s” son, Travis, were “lost” en route to my office. Then, I mysteriously “won” a blanket right at the buzzer before clean-up time. Was this an effort to buy my silence? What makes you think I can be bought? Don’t answer… 

POSTGAME: Hung out with Ozzy, Lita Ford, Bret Michaels’ and Tim McGraw’s love child, a forty-something KISS groupie, and a Motley Crue of 1980’sera MTV stars at a Halloween Super-Spreader Event in Moore, SC. There was a free late night concert which was definitely indicative and symbolic of inclusivity and coming together. Much like the Neanderthals, only less sophisticated… 

Go, Pack, GO!!! 

(Kraig Lewis) 

Editors note: Kraig’s articles are intended to be humorous, satirical and informative. He writes of past experiences, knowledge of the game and peyote induced stories from his Merriweather Lewis days. He welcome’s any feedback you have for him. 

Just Sayin’

As game time was approaching last week, I was checking out the NFL’s website and trying to find out who the inactive players were. Probably the most significant was David Bakhtiari. I thought “How is this going to work out? ”. Well, it worked out ok. Aaron was not sacked one time. Actually, I think he was sacked once, but as I recall, there was a defensive penalty that wiped out the “official” sack. Now, once again, we were playing a pretty bad team that had 1 win coming in. We have 4 wins against bad teams, 1 win against a good team and 1 loss against a good team. One more game this week against a bad team and then we get to go out to San Francisco again. I have no idea how that will go. But that is another story for another day, like next week. Let’s get back to the inactive players. When I saw who was not playing, my mind went back to Ted Thompson and how he built the roster. And it looked like we were going to be playing several players that most people were unfamiliar with. As the game progressed, the team played pretty well. I think the overall roster depth is better now than it has been in years. However, Gutekunst is not without some of the faults that Thompson had. This last draft was said to be the richest WR draft ever. And what does Gutekunst do in the first round? He drafted QB. Now, some of the comments I have seen around is that maybe drafting Jordan Love actually lit a fire under Aaron and that is one of the reasons he is playing so well. Maybe there is some truth to that, but mainly, Aaron is probably playing so well since he and the rest of the team are so much more comfortable with the system now. BUT, I saw it pointed out that outside of Adams, only 2 passes were completed to a WR. The rest were to RBs and TEs. My take on that is SO, what’s your point. That’s who was open. So if your offense is moving down the field to score, why do you particularly care which specific person is carrying the ball down the field? Hey, they are moving the ball down the field and scoring. What is better than that? Now, this week as I was perusing the internet, what do I see but talk of Brian Gutekunst looking around the league to see if a receiver is available for trade, one that might be able to contribute. HMMM, how about Tee Higgins of Cincinnati or Chase Claypool of Pittsburgh, who were BOTH still on the board when Jordan Love was chosen. There were also many others available as well. As far as the defense goes, they seem to be playing better, at least last week. Then again, it was against a poor team. Deshaun Watson is a very good QB, but he has practically no supporting cast. As was stated in the newsletter week, Mike Pettine should be replaced. I am glad we have him instead of Dom Capers, but there is plenty of room for improvement on the defense. 

Just Sayin’... 

(Jimmy Smith)

GPB In Our SPARE TIME

Back in the thick! More than 57 Packer Backer faithful met at Spare Time to cheer on our team and enjoy each other’s company. Join me in welcoming new members 608 Jerry Collins 609 Tarrance Collins We’re glad you found us. Nine great prizes were chosen by lucky members whose numbers were drawn this week. 516 Jackie Boyd chose an oven mitt/potholder set and new member 608 Jerry Collins chose the knife set. 597 Bob Verhoven will be drinking his coffee from his ceramic mug. 604 Melanie Crawford chose a tee shirt which she promptly changed into, while 324 Larry Schilz kept his tee shirt bagged to take home. Our other new member 609 Tarrance Collins is sporting a keychain and wallet set. 101 Jamie Ware will keep her feet warm with her new slippers, 123 Kraig Lewis will stay totally warm under his new blankie, and 149 Travis Wieloch will avoid a stiff neck with his pillow. We had no double up winners on the football pool this week. Winners were 542 Kathie Mervyn, 221 Barbara Gambrell, 185 Ken Hill, and 458 Susan Sabin. Congratulations! This week saw lots of entries in the trivia contest. The lucky member whose correct answer was drawn was 120 Clark Petersen. He is the recipient of a $25 gift card from our friends and sponsors at Spare Time. We truly appreciate all you do for our group. This Sunday we play the Queenies for the second time AND we have a 1 o’clock game for the second week in a row! Come on down to Spare Time so we can cheer on our team together. Stay for the 5th quarter party or take a pizza home. Remember, we will always support our team through thick and thin—I’m pretty thankful we’re back in the thick 

Marge 328

Packers vs Queenies II

I sat down to write this article, I went in a totally different direction, that will follow after this. I sometimes go heavy on the stats in a preview or a review of a game. Here are some stats on our motherland; the home state of our beloved team has seen a 400% increase in cases. They’re manning a field hospital in Milwaukee currently. I was dismayed and shocked that so many of my fellow Packer Backers weren’t wearing masks last week. Wear your MASK! Take a drink, then put your mask back on, leave it off when you’re eating. When you’re done, wipe your face, put it back on.” Tomorrow we playing the Viqueens and according to the TV, the Game WILL be on local TV. I won't be attending. The wolfpack is here with me. We're putting a Butt in the slow cooker and having pulled pork. I do not like the Minnesota Viqueens. It doesn’t really have that much to do with the people. I’ve been to Minnesota a number of times, like the people so it’s mostly the team. It’s starts with Jared Allen doing the ridiculous “hogtie” dance after a sack. Aaron Rodgers slipped and went down and Allen did it and didn’t lay a glove on him. There’s also the copying. We cut CB Darren Sharper. Next season, he’s back and in Minnesota. He’s still got a little gas in the tank though. We cut Ryan Longwell and got Mason Crosby. Longwell went to Minnesota. Then they got sneaky. Brett was a Jet. He hurt his arm and had surgery, he said he was healed but wasn’t ready to play football, but he was going to keep throwing, just in case. Training camp starts and Major Dad lookalike Brad Childress stands in front of Minnesota fans and said, “Sage Rosenfels and Tavaris Jackson are our quarterbacks.” 2 weeks later Brett steps off a plane and gets in a black SUV and is whisked to the Metrodome. He didn’t want to do camp, so he didn’t. I don’t think there’s anything in the CBA that says you have to go to training camp, but you don’t have to be sneaky about it. And then there’s Kirk Cousins. He was .500 coming out of Washington. Case Keenum took the Viqueens to the NFC Championship and nearly won. Does Minnesota stay with the hand that took them to the brink of the Superbowl for the first time in 30 years? No, they go with Mr. .500. I’m not an analytics guy. I saw Moneyball and thought it was pretty cool, but I’m not sure a game that relies on chemistry and one guy leading the whole team really lends itself to relying wholly on analytics. That might explain why the Packers are the class of the NFC North and the Viqueens are in the basement at 1-5. I’m hoping that the Packers can trade for a wide receiver before the trade deadline. I see MVS out there trying, but he still doesn’t have Jordy’s hands. Lazard is still on IR, even though he practiced this week (players on IR do not have to be listed on the injury report, thanks WYFF Sports)! Aaron Jones didn’t practice as of Wenesday, though Jamaal and AJ seemed to be doing an admirable job this past Sunday. Robert Tonyan, Marcedes Lewis, and Jace Sternberger all got in the mix, hopefully they can give the Viqueen defense fits like they did Houston. The Packers will be in an empty Lambeau Field this weekend, I expect the hard count will be used to keep the Minnesota defense honest. The sound will be piped in, we of course will have to provide the 

GO PACK!! GO!! 

(Ken Hill)

I want to shout out that I’m in need of shout-outs! If you want to send a shout out to the club you need to send a shout out to me, at: heatherbailey80@gmail.com

(Heather Bailey)

Rebuttal Time 328

Last week, our esteemed reporter, Kraig Lewis alluded to Prizegate and the obvious corruption and graft amongst the office staff. As part of that office staff, I would like to take exception to that comment. I did a little digging into the matter. 47 prizes have been awarded and only 11 members have had their numbers drawn more than once—and our esteemed Mr. Lewis is one of those. Having been a math teacher and statistician in my former life, I could go into the odds and percentages that your number would be drawn, but then I’d have to get into attendance and all other relevant variables that would bore some of you and go over some of your heads. But I am here to assert that if you place your member number is the bucket, you have the same chance as the next guy to get your number drawn. I have never been accused of “failure to respond” before so I guess this response should cover it... 

Marge 328

Your Help Is Needed

Life can be hectic at times, sometimes overwhelming. It can get to us all. In addition to club tasks I have been asking for help (Thank You Kate McGrew for helping in the office), I am looking for an additional writer for the Preview/Review articles of our weekly newsletter. This need not be a continuous thing; it can be a one time only if you want (get your feet wet thing). Knowledge and stats of football is not required, although love for the Packers is. All I ask is you write from your heart. Simple! Contact me by email or talk to me at the game if you want to try it, inquire about the weekday tasks of the club or have other questions. Your help will help keep our club going and growing into THE best Packer Fan Club in the country. Thank You in advance. On a personal note, Tuesday is election day, many of you have already voted, some still need to mail it in; for the rest of us Tuesday IS election day. More important than “how” you choose to vote is making sure you “Do” vote. Remember, it is your voice, it is your vote. 

(Packer John)